If you still end up feeling lonely and riddled with insecurity in spite of the fact that you have a man in your life, why do you still feel that having a man, having a relationship, having dalliances, having sex, having attention from these people, having an illusion, having more issues to deal with that result from being involved with these men, is the answer to your problems?

Why are you expecting different results carrying the same baggage, the same beliefs about yourself, love, and relationships, the same relationship habits, the same usual attraction to the same ‘ole assclowns?

I know that the overriding majority of women that get in touch with me and mention the word ‘loneliness’ are also lonely when they have a man in their life.

2) You’d better leave your insecurities at the proverbial door, because while people accept that we come with a level of baggage, it is highly unattractive to be in relationships with people whose baggage permeates everything and who appear to need reassurance, validation, affirmation, and discussions above and beyond the comfort levels of even the healthiest of people.

3) It is not the responsibility of men to raise you from the ground up.

If you don’t love you, like you, why the hell should someone else see something that you don’t?

For those that go with the change route, they make their choice too, just like if you decide that you don’t want to change. The point is that nobody, including me, can ‘make’ you choose the better option.

8) Leave sex out of the equation until you have established a relationship. Sex is not companionship, especially when you get the sex, and it’s great but they disappear and leave you with problems, or it’s crap and they leave you with problems, or they stick around, and you still have problems.

Sex complicates things and you could spare yourself some headache for a little while by ‘just’ dating.

A couple of days back, I asked the question, ‘If you’re healing, why are you dating?

’ in response to the repeated problems that I see arising when we’re not prepared to spend some dedicated to focusing on ourselves and dealing with the issues that are impacting on our self-esteem and the possibility of happiness, whether that is on our own…or with someone else.

Whoever you meet, you’d better accept him as he is and work with what you find.