Dating someone ten years older
Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married? From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married.
And that’s why my wife just gave me that half-smile. And now that I’ve tried to change the way I look at love, the more I become shocked at the messages of love I had gotten when I was younger.
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As soon as you've filled out the form (it took me 15 seconds to fill it out), a pop-up welcomes you and asks if you'd like to download the proprietary chat program, where you can chat with "Zooskers" around the world.
If you say no, you'll then be asked to flesh out your profile slightly - most members (in my experience) have nothing listed except their age, general location, profile name and a picture - and then you'll be shown someone else's profile nearby.
I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.
I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I think part of me recognized that she was much smarter and more modest than me. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common.
Is it a dating site you should try though, or shell out money for? "Upheld by strong word of mouth, Zoosk has registered tens of millions of users (aka Zooskers) from more than 80 countries and is available in more than 25 languages." Zoosk is one of the few dating sites that defy any sort of comparison.
Everything here offers a unique slant, format, and climate to get accustomed to.
There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable.
And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long.
And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn’t love. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do.